i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just forgot I was standing up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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