Dude my mom stole all your condoms
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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