Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
