ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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