i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
