he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
