yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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