Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
