Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
