Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
