i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
