A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
