I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
