so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
