I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
