where am i from again
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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