her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
