dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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