I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
