I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
