so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
