Christians are straight up FREAKS
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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