I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
