respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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