I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
