I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
