I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
