So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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