Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
