i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
