We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
