Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
