there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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