I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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