Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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