Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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