So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize