I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
