The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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