i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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