You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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