you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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