dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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