Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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