she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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