just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
