I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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