Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
