He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
