sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
