matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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