A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
