I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
