ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Houston, we have a squirter
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
