We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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