areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
