I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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