Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
