i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
