Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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