i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
