My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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