You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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