watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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