I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
